Tuesday, September 30, 2014

#thoughts

I guess it has come to this, spilling words into this little space........ i am completely lost. I have no idea what I want to do, no idea where to start doing anything, I am just stuck. I see everyone else around me, doing something, having a proper job, studying for a degree but here I am, with the worst discipline as usual, forever skipping my part time job, leaving myself with nothing to do at home, lying in bed till 4 in the afternoon, mourning about how life sucks for me. I never knew that after my diploma, I'd be so lost. I guess I just didn't really thought about what I want to do after my poly days. I didn't exactly plan my future well, I just thought that by then I should know what I want to do and have the courage or the opportunity to pursue something. But no, the future is here now and I'm not doing anything at all. I am completely wasting time. It might be stupid to say this but opportunities slipped past me as well. I tried to do something, get a new job, applied for school and well, maybe the acceptance isn't here yet but other than that, the things I really wanna do, I am not good enough to do them. Ok, it might sound like an excuse 'cause other people worked really hard to get where they are... But I don't know.... I really don't know where to go, what to do. Maybe it's just this waiting that gets me all melancholy. I kinda don't feel like studying either hahaha I don't feel like doing anything yet I get so sad doing nothing. I am such an irony. Sigh the future is bleak as of now. But oh well, I need to get back to reality and start heading to work so I have money to survive. Motivation is really hard to find these days. I just hope I'll be able to find positivity again really soon! #workhardashley This is all just temporary :-)

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