Monday, February 3, 2014

The 10 Mistakes I've Made In My Albeit Short Dating Life

So yeah, decided to write a post regarding the stupid little things I've believed in/done, that I am not so proud of but thought I should share, or at least remind myself not to make the same mistakes again.

1. He will leave his girlfriend for me
I know it's not even right to be involved with a guy who has a girlfriend, but I always always follow my feelings more than what is supposed to be right. I don't do the right things most times and every word that the guy says, I will always believe. n that was being stupid. Nobody will ever leave anyone for me. n nobody should ever do that anyway. They say that the guys will pick the second girl because if they really love the first one, they wouldn't fall in love with the second. But that's not always right. They all went back to their girlfriends. #self-reminder don't trust sweet words that the guys say, most times they just want to get into your pants.

2. He will come back for me
Oh this can actually tie in together with the point above. I have heard this not just once. It's the words that were said, "give me time, I love you, I will come back for you." I fell for it. I fall for every single thing. He will almost never come back for you, if he wanted you and loved you, he would already be here. He would not have waited one more second to be yours. This is just an excuse. To get away from you temporary, and then permanently.

3. He became my universe
It was so lovely at first, falling for someone and getting into a relationship with that person you found a pleasure in his company. But then I got too deep and I just, lost myself. He was like my world, and everything revolves around him. How could any human being, be your entire universe? Disappointments are bound to happen 'cause that person is not perfect. N that is why it failed. God's supposed to be your universe, the guy's just supposed to be a part of it. Yeah he could play a huge role in your life, like the sun in the sky. But he can never, be the whole thing because he's also broken. He cannot handle the pressure. He's just flesh and bones. Don't let him be the master of your universe, he will run away in fear.

4. I've to change him.
I should've realised this the moment i saw it, the moment I wanted him to change, meant that this was going straight down the route to failure. Being together with someone meant accepting all their flaws, their taste in jeans and everything. Change might happen after, but I should never expect it. It has to be of his own accord, a change to be better, not worse. You're not supposed to choose who you love, not supposed to say "ok if he's more like this, I'll love him". Then you tell him to be more like you wanted and love him when he changed. That's not right. You're supposed to love him the way he is, and then, if he wants to be better, advise him on how to improve.

5. If he doesn't do what I want, he doesn't love me.
I always always wanted the guy to do what I want. At least 99% of the time, and when that doesn't happen, I get upset. I question about his affections for me. 'cause wasn't "when you love someone, you'll do anything" applicable? I thought that if you love someone, you'll do anything that makes them happy. I wanted him to do so much for me, and that was wrong. I shouldn't have expected him to do anything for me because that's not up to me. I should just well, do my part. Instead of wanting to receive, I should give. I should do the things he want, to make him happy, not the other way round. Not force him to do anything at all, 'cause if he actually does something for me, without me asking him to, isn't that so much better? Doesn't that quantify to love? His way of loving might not be the same as yours, let him love you his way.

6. Cancel 'me/alone' time
Everybody needs to be alone sometimes, to think, to energise, to recuperate and to well, unwind. I hated being alone. I don't understand why when you are together with someone, you need to be alone when that person forms the other half of you. Isn't being alone together counted as being alone?? ('cause you know, he's your other half and two of you makes one) yes i know i'm crazy hahaha but yeah I was wrong. Everybody needs to be alone, to reflect upon themselves too. You sometimes need time away from your partner, to miss him, and that is part of being with someone. That is part of growing. Missing the other half creates a desire, which actually helps making the relationship last longer.

7. Think that he's the "one"
This happens for most of my uhm if i called it relationship. Really omg writing this actually made me realised how delusional I was. For every guy, I thought they were the one. I imagined a future with every single one of them, then I get super hurt when what I thought would happen, didn't. Then another one came along and the cycle repeats itself. I always ruin things with my expectations. Like I have this image of what this thing is supposed to be, and then when it doesn't I get hurt over it. It's like I like to stab myself and I whine about the pain I inflict upon myself. Ironic really.

8. Begged him to stay/come back
There's no use crying, begging, ruining yourself just for the guy to come back. There's no point in chasing someone whose heart already left ages ago. You can do anything, cross the ocean, fly to the moon, kill yourself and nothing you do can make him come back. Nothing. All you have to do, if you really love someone, is to ask for one more chance and if he says no, walk away. Keep walking away and don't look back. No matter what. Trust me, this'll do you good. Just walk towards an ice cream store, buy yourself a pint, go home, get some chick/romance flicks on and tuck in. There'll be special flavouring: salty tears.

9. Forget about my life and my friends
Being so consumed in a relationship I forgot what I wanted in life. I stopped doing things that make me happy, like blogging or reading. I stopped hanging out with my friends. The good parts of me, disappeared. All that was left were the nasty, ugly me :( I didn't realised this until the break up. I was.......... crazy. Don't lose yourself just because you found someone else. Always be true to yourself, keep doing what you love. Keep following your dreams and goals and never forsake your friends because they will definitely last longer than your lover. You need to be two individuals, not one person.

10. Forget that he's a human too.  
Often times, I forget that he's just a human. That he's still learning, still growing, still struggling in this messed up world. Still trying to cope with his family, his responsibilities and his own life. Yet, instead of being a pillar of support, I was just a bag of burden that he had to carry on his shoulders, alongside with his other heavy baggages. I'm sorry. I hope to be better, to be a strength instead of a weakness, to be someone's best. To be able to lend a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on and to form even a small part of motivation in whatever the next is doing.

Sometimes, only after something becomes a memory, then you'll realise certain things. It was like being in that moment, blinded you from your own mistakes, as well as the other party's. I realised I was always living in an illusion. The things I thought were acts of love, weren't. The person that I used to love, was not the person I thought he was. It was like a revelation. So be careful who you trust, who you love. Tend to your heart, don't give it away foolishly. Love yourself, before you love others.

Thank you for reading, this might not apply to you but perhaps only a delusional hopeless romantic like me might make such silly mistakes. But I'm glad I at least learned from them. I'm still trying to be a better person generally and I hope that this inspires you to reflect upon yourselves and learn from your mistakes. Life is a learning journey and all the sticks and stones thrown at you only makes you stronger and better. Take negative things lightly and live life instead of just existing.
Stay positive!!!!!! :)

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