Thursday, October 17, 2013

#thoughts



you were the deep abyss in which i fall into
inevitably
like a volcano
it consumes me
i was gone within seconds
melt away in your sweet lava
dissolving every inch of me

- - - - -

you were the star in the night
that didn't shine as bright
but i saw you
i plucked you out of the sky
held you captive in a pint
happy you're now mine
you illuminate my space
a room filled with your light
now you shine so bright
yet constrained, enslaved
you expressed disdain
repulsing at the shrink of your universe
i just wanted you to shine
i just wanted you to love me
i just...................

- - - - -

i have tried making homes out of people
forging permanence in an undeniable intangible matter
how naive? to crave eternity in something that death catches ahold of
to have believed so strongly in feelings that one can never truly comprehend
feelings that have the tendency to fade away with time and struggles
isn't it such a tragedy? to have held such belief in your love for me
blinded by the illusion of everlasting love- true love they say
well, perhaps it is all just bullshit

- - - - -
part 1:

She stood at the window, one hand on the grille and the other holding her phone. Tears streaming down her face, She couldn't help but look out the window, hoping to see a glimpse of him, walking towards her apartment. She stood there for hours and hours and the day got darker and eventually hits midnight but there was still no sign of him. Not even a phone call, not a single text. She didn't know what to do. Her head filled with blankness. She couldn't form a coherent sentence as she would burst into tears before she could say "we broke up". She could not would not make herself believe in the reality of him not being here anymore. Thoughts goes like this: "why what happened why don't you love me i love you so much i'm sorry take me back i want you so much i can't do this i can't be alone i need you i i i i i how why how could you do this we've been through so much why now why why whyw hyw hyw hy wh yh" and all the words became a blur.

Days passed, weeks even. There was still no sign of him. She spent the last few days curled up in bed with minimal sleep and food. She was at the brink of losing it. It felt like her universe has just stopped turning and the sun has stopped shining and inside of her, it was pure darkness. There was nothing left since he left. Empty and all alone, she cried and cried and cried. Tears of regret, remorse, repulsion towards herself flowed down her cheeks into her already wet pillow. "So this is what it feels like", she said, "to have your heart broken by the one person you never thought would ever hurt you." With that, she continued drowning in her pool of sorrows, convinced she can never truly be happy again.


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