Monday, December 20, 2010

Because leopards never changes their spots.

Because once,I was afraid of change.
Once,I was afraid of losing the people around me.
Once,I was afraid of being lonely,left all alone,stranded all by myself in solitude which I do not embrace out of free will.
I was afraid,paranoid,worried,jealous,upset,frustrated,confused,hurt,disappointed and all the negative emotions one could ever feel  in one's tiny body.
I made a mistake,not once but twice. Fooled myself once more,hoping for a change of outcome. Deluding myself to think that your affections were real. But they never were. Lied to myself to think that as long as we're happy,we're faultless. All's the past and attachments were broken,or so I thought.
You were righteous,and I weren't. I had attachments,I had trust placed in me I didn't know I had. Until now. It was never meant to be. I was never in the picture. I was the tree in a play,that should've never been placed in the spotlight. Tell me,what's so fascinating about a tree?
But the tree,strived towards the spotlight,longing to be known for once,thinking that once its in the spotlight,everything will fall into place. The audience will finally notice the tree,and maybe even admire it. But things don't always turn out to be what one wanted it to be.
I was the tree,I was in the spotlight. & guess what that landed me in? Disgust,irk,hatred and tomatoes on my face. The tree was nothing special. The tree looked even uglier exposed.
But if the tree was not placed in the spotlight,it wouldn't know where it belonged. It wouldn't know how much better the play would be when it stayed in the background.
I was the big bag wolf,& unlike the fairy tale,I managed to catch one pig,and I ate it up. Yes,the rest of the pigs hates me now. The satisfaction of that meal,weren't long lasting.
But how? & what do I do now? I've eaten the pig,I've stood in the spotlight.
The only thing to do is :
"Forgetting what is behind,and straining toward what is ahead"

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