Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Tell me you love me,
come back and haunt me.

& they just attack you. Damage you from within. It wasn't the leaving that hurts. It was the memories that you can't erase. It wasn't the future you longed for that hurts you,but the memories,the happiness you once shared. The times you've had together,the laughter that you both owned,it was that,that that hurts everything you think about leaving. People leaving in your life. People change, nothing ever stays the same. When they say forever,they meant only awhile. Only when troubles are far far away. They meant only when you are who they want you to be. They meant only when you speak of funny things,and they meant when the thoughts in your head stays in your head. And I'm a pusher. I push people away yeah I do. I know that. I push people away so they won't know how much of them had already been in me. So they won't know how much I think about them,how much I cried thinking about them,how much I  longed for time to never stop when we were together. How much they had a hold on me. I'm nonchalant. I seem nonchalant. I pretend to skip over details so they won't upset me. I pretend to not notice how much of me had already slipped out of your hearts. I pretended that we were still the same,that you still have me and I have you and the world is a good place. I tried to you know,put it all behind,tried to be alone. Independence yeah? You never know what goes on in my head. I'm an open book yes I am. I let people know what I'm thinking about. I can't stop it. I needed people to know that I exist. To know that I am not a glass,I am not a wallflower,not a wallpaper,not a speck of dust. I'm here. I'm alive. I'm not something else. I'm human. I think. I feel. I hurt. I release. I love. I change. I need. 

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