My blog seems kinda dead isn't it? Sigh. My new CPU hasn't arrived so no tumblr-ing and no blogging. My sister hasn't gotten me a modem for Shaun's laptop. So I'm currently surviving on my bb for internet access. Besides, I'm having Prelims now so I don't have time to blog. I'm now on an unofficial break from chemistry. Heheeh
Life has been good,I surmised. There isn't much to be upset about actually. Though loneliness was insidious. But God's my comfort and my strength and I really do depend on Him. However nebulous,I still know God's there. Satan won't quash it. 'Cause of Prelims,I've been staying at home. The past few weeks were not that good. Bad habits come and goes,so I have to be wary and really give everything up to God. Gotta augment my knowledge in God. So people around has been an encouragement and motivation to draw closer to God.
But my loneliness was unassuaged. Even so, I need to learn independence. I have to be accustom to being alone. Change is never easy but it ain't an excuse. Twitter holds too much melancholy. I think I'm quite adept at pushing people away. But God didn't teach me to push people away. God taught me authenticity. There are lots of things that still breaks my human heart. Those that tantamount to making me drop six feet under. But I'm slowly learning. Learning to pray about them and seeking the truth in circumstances. The truth which is Jesus. Seeking Jesus in every circumstances. That's the way to block out guilt and shame. To relegate the situation from negativity to positivity. Humility and courage are much needed. I've to attenuate my emo thoughts. God needs to come in. More time to be spent on God's word. Distractions,no more.
Even so,one more thing that adds to my 'happy list' is you. You make me euphoric. I know it's not real and all so I'm letting you go. But still,I've to thank you for drawing me further away from my black hole. From the consuming venomous venus fly trap of darkness. It was temporary. But at least I had fun. At least it rendered me closer to fantasy. However so, I got to get my feet on the ground and focus on my purpose of living. I'm here for God. My existence isn't mine alone. I'm not here for ambiguous reasons. I know and though it's impalpable I still am able to discern.
Thank God for everything,honestly.
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