Monday, September 14, 2009

After hours

Today, I went for Chinese and English service. Both services were great, I learnt a lot.
After that, I went home. I wanted to do my homework, after 1 question. I fell asleep. hahaha. I was tooo tired. Really. Then Narin called, asked me to meet 'em at 6.30. It was already 6 so I went to bath and stuff. They told me they were going to Sembawang to eat, I thought they were going to SSC or at least Sun Plaza. Little did I know they were going to eat stingray and stuff beside SSC. Which means it's NOT airconditioned. & I was wearing long sleeve. Ughh, I was so frustrated. But I there's nothing to be frustrated about actually, it's just a small issue. So I let it go. Bryan and co. met us there.  The food was okay, we were joking and laughing. Telling riddles and such, had a fun time.
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Made from Guitar strings! hahah, By Narindren.
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After eating we went to SSC and walked around, headed to the playground(?) and we could spray water at each other, it was so funny. They were spinning each other like crazy too. Xy was quite quiet, haha.
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Headed back home after that. The moment which I dread most is here, starting of school. ): Multiple of sad faces here!!!  I tell myself I need to study so many times but I just can't. Maybe because it's the time i spent with God is very little. & Narin prophesy over me, saying that I can't do anything by myself, I've to depend on God. So I will. I know God will help me. Faith is by Action.

Ughzxc, I just hate blog-hopping and then I land on some rich girl's blog, where they have everything they want, DSLRs and shits. I'll feel damn pathetic. ):< I wish I was prettier. Sometimes I just feel so ugly. Inside & out.  I compare myself to a lot of people. & most of the time it'll make me feel inferior. sigh. I hate feeling this way. I hate not having money, not being able to go shopping. Not being able to own many many clothes. So I've got to learn to put it all down. Down at the cross for God. Jesus died on the cross for my sins, I'm not going to let the world drag me away. I'm easily distracted yes. That's why I've to keep reminding myself, Matthew 6:33 .   Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all else will be given to me. There's so many things that I want to do that displeases God. So so many things, and I'm really struggling. But as each struggle goes, my Faith grows as well. I know so much, I too know so little. But I don't put them to practice, and it really makes me feel so down. I feel like I cannot accomplish anything. Even if I'm 15, I want to be successful when I'm older, but my dreams seems to be too high, in reality I can't soar high enough, my wings are too small to guide me up into the promise land. But I know if I continue to seek God more, continue to love Him more and sustain a closer relationship with Him, life will be so much better. So much more meaningful. It might not be guaranteed smooth-sailing all the way through, but He'll be there right by my side, guiding me in everything that I do. Every little mistake that I do, I'll repent and come back to me. Even if I drift away, He'll be reaching out His hands to catch me whenever I fall. He's the only one that truly understands. Even when I feel so down and I feel like dying, even if I betray Him and do things against His will, because of God's mercy, love and forgiveness, I'm able to come back to Him. Because His one and only Son died for me on the cross. The holiest man who ever walked on Earth, claims the sin of all human beings. I cannot thank Him enough. There's just so little things I can do by myself, so much I can do with God. I need to let go of my pride, my love for materials and yearning for the other sex's love. I'm going to go nowhere if these things are still in my heart. My heart's only big enough for one thing. Which is God, or will be. I cannot serve 2 masters.

So from now onwards, I'm going to stop infatuating.

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