Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I'm Learning...

Well, I borrowed Caleb's book . It's a simplified version of a bible. (I'm going to return him soon 'cause I don't want to owe him anything)

& I've found out I don't know how to love people. I thought I knew,but I didn't. I've never once loved my friends like how I love myself. I've never once loved my family members and seriously, I don't know how to respect people. But I'm learning. & 2009 you'll seen a new me. A born anew me. Really, my New Year Resolution. I've not been really grateful this year,I've been taking things for granted. Also thinking I deserve the things I have. Well, but not anymore.

But now, I can't take things. okay seriously, I can't take it anymore. I really hate you. I've never once really hate anybody. I thought I love you as a friend. But no, each hurt you bring into my life cuts deeper into my dark side. Into my hate list. I know I'm a Christian and I'm supposed to forgive and forget. But I can't. I really hate you with all my heart. Maybe because I've loved you so much,and you hurt me so deep. I'm so hurt and sad till I HATE you. You were nice to me sometimes. But you were even nastier to me. Only me. Not the others but me. You always hurt me physically/emotionally. I don't know what to do. You always go overboard.Always hurt people without knowing then treat it like as if nothing has happened.

& once again to xe. I think there's alot of misunderstanding between us. & If you want us to be friends once again,we can never treat this like it has never happened before. I don't know whether you read my blog, but just in case, if you want to be friends, we need to clear things up once and for all. If not we can keep this lying around for decades and always use this to back us up on another future arguement. Just to tell you, I'm going to be an even better person next year, 'cause of what God has taught me. I don't know if I'm still going to hurt you again with my self-centeredness. So It's okay if you decided on not being friends. But f.y.i you seem so afraid of me. I'm not a monster or anything, sometimes I just need you to be more initiative.

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